Everyone needs them right?Like hell do I. For years I’ve thought my Mum was crackers living in a cottage in the middle of nowhere but now I’m starting to realise why she does. She doesn’t have to put up with neighbours. Don’t get me wrong some neighbours are fantastic but some are complete and utter knobs, so to avoid being a knob neighbour here’s a list of don’ts.
1. Don’t park so close to my car I need a sodding tin opener to get back in it. I AM NOT knocking your door for permission to go to work. It’s bad enough I have to go as it is!
2. Don’t send your kids round to “just borrow” something every 10 mins. Not on, unless you’re family…even then you’re pushing your luck!
3. Don’t let your dog shit on the green outside and not clean it up. Saw some kids playing army out there, doing commando rolls. *Shudder*
4. Don’t have loud, raucous parties til 3am every night. Nope I’m not jealous despite what you think. I just want to bloody sleep. (And I’ve got to get up early and argue with you over parking see number 1).
5. Don’t let drunken guests from above party pee/spew on my front garden. Bleurgh.
6. Don’t let your kids use my fence as a goal. I’m quite fond of my windows and they are most certainly not Premier league material. Although their swearing probably is!
7. Don’t dump your gardening rubbish into my garden ‘cos you can’t be bothered to order the right bin.
8. Don’t pinch the bins meant for us when we move in and then show off about how you have a brand spanking new set of bins!
9. Don’t set up Scrapheap Challenge in your garden and start up the angle grinder at 8am. The fella works nights and believe me he’s bloody grumpy when he can’t sleep.
10. Don’t have so many cats I can’t see my garden for cat poo. It stinks and I can’t stand the incessant screeching after the kids have been told they can’t go out to play! I love cats as much as the next person but do you seriously need 20 in one house?!
Are there others you can add? Or am I just a tad fussy?