I just can’t handle it any more I’m no good after a drink and here are the some of the reasons I gave up drinking!
1. I slipped on a slug barefoot after taking off my ridiculously high heels that I was unable to walk in after a shandy (or 12).
2. I pissed all over my flip-flops after hiding in a bush when REALLY desperate. First and last time. Believe me!
3. I was sick all over myself in the back of a taxi. Too drunk to move and do it out the window. Amazingly the taxi driver didn’t even notice!!
4. I worked up the courage (not really hard when you’ve had a few) to ask out the bloke I had a crush on in school – only to be turned down flat. Oh the shame!
5. I got asked to leave a nightclub after my (female) mate threatened to “knock that effing blokes teeth out” after he randomly came over topless and blind drunk and tried to do a pole dance on our table. There was no pole and he was no Channing Tatum, lets just say she wasn’t impressed with him falling in her lap!
6. I pretended to my poor old Nan that “No I haven’t been drinking” when I was quite blatantly on my hands and knees in the bathroom spewing my guts up!
7. I got what I thought were admiring looks from people in the pub only to go to the loo, look in the mirror and see the fine rain had made my hair a total frizz nightmare and people were probably trying not to piss their pants laughing! Cheers for telling me girls!
8. I realized that the fantastic game of read the shampoo bottle ingredients isn’t fun for kids and they won’t want to play it for 5 hours on the trot whilst you hug the toilet!
9. I got photos developed (remember when you had to send them off?!) and realised I had no pigging idea who that bloke is with their arm wrapped round me!
Unfortunately – or maybe thankfully I don’t have any other photo evidence that I can lay my hands on.There’s bound to be some out there somewhere! Do you have any drunken stories?