So I enjoyed writing Warnings I’d Give My Kid Self so much I thought I’d do another one.I was soooo accident prone and until I’d written it down I hadn’t realised quite how bad I was!So here’s my 2nd list of warnings I’d give my kid self!
1.DON’T rock so hard on the rocking horse at nursery – you WILL go flying off and you WILL cut your chin open.
2.DON’T run towards the fireplace whilst playing tag with your brother – you WILL trip over your own feet and smash your forehead on the grate.
3.DON’T think it’s a great idea to ride your bike down the sloping front garden.You WILL forget there’s a wall at the bottom and you WILL do your own version of E.T only you’ll hit the floor with your chin and not be able to talk for hours.
4.DON’T lean too far over with the fishing net when on holiday with your family in Yorkshire.You WILL fall in the River Ouse it WILL be bloody freezing and you WILL have to be rescued by your Uncle John while the others laugh.
5.DON’T let your brother and his mates encourage you to climb on that massive branch on the tree up the field.They WILL pull it down so far that you go flying through the air and land flat on your back.
6.DON’T play a game of catch across the canal with your school shoe.Your brother WILL drop it and your Mum WILL think you did it on purpose to get new shoes and make you wear your Tesco special trainers instead.
7.DON’T think it’s a great idea to see how fast you can go on your roller skates down the hill at the top of your road.You WILL go far too fast,panic halfway down and smash into the lamppost at the bottom.
8.DON’T leave a load of crayons on the hot bedroom radiator – they WILL melt all over the carpet and you WILL get a smacked arse.
9.DON’T wear one of those skirts which splits every time you move to go and pick up your record of achievement in a packed school hall .You WILL flash your knickers and die of shame to the sound of sniggering.
10.DON’T drink that flask of squash you left while playing red rover on the field your so-called mates WILL fill it with grass and snotty red faced choking is not a good look.