I work in a shop in the middle of a busy shopping centre and to say there are some colourful sights is an understatement.Here are my favourites so far:
• A woman eating a jacket potato like an apple.Hats off to her she didn’t even get it all down the front of her,I’m always sporting dinner medals even when sat at the table!
• A man pulling a pair of pliers out of his pocket and fighting with a shopping trolley to get a pound out.Not sure I’d want to go that far,well not where people can see me anyway!
• A woman pulling a blanket out of a shopping bag and sitting on the floor to eat a trifle,this is despite there being empty benches either side of her!
• A man stopping to de-wedgie himself,not surreptitiously I’ll have you know but full on hands down the back of his jeans fumbling to yank them out!
• A slightly inebriated (pissed as a fart) teen who nodded off whilst sat on the bench.A pigeon lands beside him,he jumps a mile and proceeds to show us his best ninja moves before realising it was just a bird and slinking off quietly.I was hoping for some applause like when you dropped your dinner in the school canteen and the whole school cheered whilst you die slightly inside.Not the case though.
• A lady leaning over the bench to sort her shopping,her trousers fall down flashing her backside to the world.She pulls them back up and saunters off cool as you like…
• A man wandering around with a Harris Hawk to scare the pigeons away…the pigeons that are sat smoking a fag and shouting “what the f**k’s your problem buddy” to said hawk and flashing V’s as poor old “Harry” walks away as little old Gertrude has just chucked them half a Gregg’s pasty.
• A fire engine or 3 pulling up on a daily basis (for lunch) and all the firemen jumping out,doesn’t do it for me but my colleague goes all “teenager at a One Direction concert” and starts foaming at the mouth.