Let’s face it, single parents sometimes get a bad rap, in this day and age they shouldn’t and it saddens me that they still do .There’s all sorts of reasons you find yourself single with children and who, based on a single meeting can judge, roll their eyes and stick you in Jeremy Kyle fodder without ever knowing your story?
I’m lucky that I am now in a happy, solid relationship with a fantastic man but roll back 17 years and I wasn’t. I was 20 and at home having just been dumped unceremoniously on my own with a baby whom I had absolutely no idea what to do with and wondering how it all came to this.
Being a single parent has it’s rewards – no-one to argue with over discipline or giving the kids too many sweets or letting them stay up too late. However, I struggled with money and always felt I was living on my last penny.
•There were times I lived on toast every day for a week so my child could have the vegetables.
•There were times I walked the 3 miles to work and home again after an 8 hour shift because I couldn’t afford the bus fare.
•There were times I had to make the choice between £5 electric on the rip off pre-payment meter or food in our tummies. We spent a few nights surrounded by candles. I made it seem like fun but inside was cringing at how ridiculous it all was.
•I worked to pay £400 a month in childcare fees just so I could hold my head up and say I was employed despite the fact I never actually had any money.
•I had to rely on my parents at Christmas to get him some tidy presents as there was never much in the pot for it. They were always willing to help if they could but I was far too proud to ask most of the time and they aren’t exactly loaded anyway.
•I was once told I’d got pregnant on purpose just to get myself a council house and lots of benefits – chance would be a fine thing!
I believe it was a good learning curve for me though. I got on with it, I made my own way, I brought up my son the only way I knew how and I don’t think I did such a bad job. He’s a right royal pain in the bum sometimes but then he’s a teenager! My partner came along when he was 9 and it did take him some getting used to as he’d had me all to himself for such a long time. They still fight for Alpha male but I’ve learned to just roll my eyes!
Are single parents any different or any worse just because they do it by themselves? Absolutely not, it’s hard at times – sobbing uncontrollably into your pillow hard but I wouldn’t change a thing! Maybe it made me fiercely protective because I was the only one there to fight the corner but is that such a bad thing?
A big high five for all the single parents out there. Believe me, you’re awesome. I know.
Massive respect to you for getting through those tough times with pride and dignity. What scares me most about ever becoming a single parent is having to share my children. I’m too much of a control freak and would hate it xx
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I have to be honest I’d hate it now that I have 2 more,i’d find it really hard.I think it helped in a strange sort of way that the eldests father never wanted to be involved x
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I think that would suit me too. Some people would be horrified at that but I think it definitely makes it easier and less harrowing emotionally. Although having to do everything and never getting a break… I suppose there’s no easy answer x
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I have never been a single parent, my husband travels a lot with work, but it’s not the same thing. I think single parents are strong and it certainly shows strength to see what you did in order to raise your child properly. Thanks for sharing it was a really interesting read. It seems so wrong though that there were days when you couldn’t afford heating or too eat anything other than toast #kcacols
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It definitely made me stronger.All parenting is hard isn’t it.I think we all do a fab job in our own way x
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Being a single mum is hard. I too was a single mum at 20, but I was lucky enough to be at my parents, so I could work hard both at work and uni.
Now, I’m lucky enough to have a wonderful hubby, and be a stay at home mum, but those first few years were tough.
I have a huge respect for anyone who has been or is a single parent.
Laura xx
#KCACOLS
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It’s nice in a way that we’ve got to see both sides!I’m not sure parenting is any easier with a partner but it’s nice to have someone to share the worries with x
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Since becoming an (unsingle) parent I really do have so much respect for those who manage to do it alone. Becoming a single parent is such a huge responsibility and at times I felt completely useless, knackered and emotional, but to do it all on your own is something else. Well done you for getting through those testing times, it sounds like you’ve done a great job and are a fantastic mum xx #KCACOLS
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Sounds like you did a bloody fab job. Being on my own half the week every week makes me hugely respect single parents. High five to you xxx
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Oo I’ve just commented because I was having a nosey at your blog 😉 Just been to link up for #picknmix and you are the post before mine so have another comment 😉 xx
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Aww thanks for your lovely comments 😀 I’ve just been to yours and you’ve totally blown me away!! xx
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This is awesome and so honest! Being a single parent is so tough and it isn’t fair the judgement people get. There are many situations and reasons and the important things is are you a good parent and are you doing right by your kids.
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Absolutely!We all do the best job we can x
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Great post! I was a single parent for a good few years before my husband came along and it was hard work!! I have huge respect for single parents and even now, supported by a lovely husband, I think about those days on my own and high five myself that I ever survived!! Well done you! #fartglitter
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Right back at you!It is hard in some ways and I have utmost respect for anyone who does it x
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I have so much respect for single parents. I was one too for a while and some days are tough, some days were also easier than having their Dad around though haha. I also worked as I wanted to be a good role model for them even though it made me no better off! x
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Yep,some days it just made me wonder what the point of working was but then I wanted him to grow up knowing I went out and worked for what we had. x
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High five back to you from a fellow single parent! I’m lucky as I’m a single mum by choice so I knew from the get-go what the situation was, and also I don’t have an ex-partner rattling around, which makes things a LOT easier (so far. The difficult bit will be when my son is older and I have to explain his unusual entry into the world, but hey, there are all sorts of different types of families). I think parenthood is a bit of a shock to the system no matter what the situation, but for me I would say the financial aspect is hardest. #fartglitter
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Did make it so much easier in the long run that he naffed off and only tried to come back once.Since then nowt.I lost track of the times I had to turn down days out and things like that but now he’s a teen and I’ve talked to him honestly about him growing up he says he doesn’t remember me saying no to anything and he never felt left out x
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Way to go you hun! Those times couldn’t have been easy but it appears you smashed it! I don’t think I could cope personally xx
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Surprising what you can do when you have to isn’t it!You must be so excited about little one number 2 x
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Being a single parent for me is the hardest thing in the world. There is no one to pass the book to if you can’t be bothered. No one to make you dinner after work etc, etc, but at the same time I love that it is the two of us #KCACOLS
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Yes,I found it really hard if I was ill or something as there was only me who could be responsible.I think it was lovely that I got to spend so much 1:1 time with him though x
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Oh I can so relate. I was a single mother for 5 years and we had it really hard too! There were times i’d walk down the street looking for pennies so i could buy my child a treat from the bakery. Money can be so hard as a single mum and some people have no idea. Angela #KCAKOLS
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Definitely been there!It is very hard at times.Well done for being strong x
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People can be so judgemental grrr! I was a single Mum for a while, luckily I didn’t get judged – not out loud anyway ha! I would never judge another person by anything so ridiculous as being a single parent, other than to think how strong they are 🙂 Thanks for linking up lovely, I’m going to try and have a proper catch up on your blog this week!
Stevie xx #PicknMix
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Too right!Leave people in peace I say xx
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Sounds like you coped admirably, I hope you’re proud of yourself. I think no one is perfect and worries about being judged for something.
#fartglitter
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Well I’ve never come across a perfect parent yet or one that claims to be.We all do it our own way don’t we x
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I have complete admiration for single parents. I have no idea how you do it, I find it hard enough and there are two of us!
#KCACOLS
#PicknMix
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Parenting is tough however you do it isn’t it 😀 x
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Sounds like those times were tough but you managed to get through and of course did the best you could! I honestly don’t know how single parents do it – huge respect to them! When the boys were younger I regularly clocked watched eagerly waiting for my partner to walk through the door so he could take or or give me a hand! Thankfull things are a little easier now.
Thanks so much for linking up to #KCACOLS and I hope to see you back again on Sunday X
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I am a single mum and it is hard but it is infinitely better than being in the wrong relationship. A lovely post. Thank you!
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My husband works shifts and when I haven’t seen him for a while – and I have had the majority of the childcare – it can be exhausting. I’ve always said that I have the utmost of respect for women (or men for that matter) that have to do this on their own and have no partner/family to fall back on. As they grow up, your kids will understand just what you sacrificed for them – they won’t whilst they are teenagers – and they too will respect and admire you for all that you have done for them. #KCACOLS
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A lovely post. I’m also a single parent and have been going solo since my son was 5 months old. Just over 3 years later I think I’ve about got the hang of it! Like you say it can be tough and despite me earning a good salary (no child maintenance) I find its all gone on the mortgage and nursery fee’s. I wouldn’t have it any other way though, I like to hold my head up high and know I’m doing everything I can to support my son and hey, not long until he’s in school and I’ll feel loaded!!! So nice to see you’ve met someone else….a happy ever after story I hope. X
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