Are C-Sections the easy option?
Recently I’ve heard someone referring to C-sections as taking the easy option, a cop out and have at least 1 friend who was made to feel as though she hadn’t done it ‘properly’ just because she didn’t give birth “the proper way” the proper way? What the flaming hell does that mean?
Ok, so we all have dreams of it being just a little bit painful but manageable and being able to wipe our face, drag a brush through our hair and look semi alive for a picture afterwards with the beautiful newborn. Pahahahaha….
Well, I’ve had 3 babies and I can tell you it didn’t happen like that for any of them. Not in the slightest. First one didn’t want to come out. Took me what felt like 3 and a half million years to push him out. The photo that was taken that day will never again see the light of day as you can just imagine how red I was. Like a bloody tomato. That’s on fire. But in fairness it wasn’t that bad.
Second one didn’t want to come out either. I thought “Oh here we bloody go again” and told the midwife I couldn’t do it. “Course you can” she says. Nope. Told you I couldn’t, had to have a ventouse. Stubborn bugger still wouldn’t shift so had to have forceps. Big gulping noise comes from the direction of my other half. I can only really remember them putting my legs in a position that not even the most flexible pornstar should be able to get into. The stitches. NOTHING prepares you for them bastards. Couldn’t walk properly for ages. I remember my hubby doing the first nappy and meconium was coming out of my son’s bum in a big creepy black bubble. I tried so hard not to laugh as I was terrified those stitches would pop.
So since I’ve done it the so say ‘natural’ way I think I can tell you honestly that C-Sections really and truly are NOT the easy option by any stretch of the imagination. Surprise, surprise my third didn’t want to come out either. I was being sick (Hyperemesis doesn’t stop even in labour for some people) and telling the midwives this has happened twice before the baby isn’t going to come out. Eyes roll all over the room. I’d had an epidural that only numbed half of me and they wanted me to sit up to put the spinal block in for an emergency section. If ever I’d wanted to tell someone to f**k off in an inappropriate manner it was that exact moment. Christ it hurt to sit up as apparently I was sitting on the baby’s head as is was so far down. It wasn’t so much giving birth to a melon as trying to have one inserted into your lady bits. They eventually get the block in and sweet mercy the pain goes away!
Something random I remember whilst having my section was the surgeon sneezing whilst doing his thing – thank God for the plastic visor – and trying not to laugh hysterically when catching my hubby’s eye.
Being sick while they tried to stop me haemorrhaging (something that happened on all 3 births) scary shit. And hoping one of my internal organs wouldn’t shoot across the room each time I wretched.
Because I haemorrhaged badly I spent the first day in HDU where I literally had to fight the midwife to let me breastfeed – she told me I wouldn’t be able to. That put my back up, aren’t they supposed to encourage it? Then continued to go on at me to give the baby a bottle. I stuck to my guns and even though it hurt like hell to even move a tiny bit I’m glad I did.
Not my most glamorous moment! This is the face of a person who has just been told they have to get up and walk around after a c-section and them removing the drain (gawd that hurts too). The terror is worse than actually doing it and I walked like a poor old guy with a bad back for a while, til they shouted at me to stand up straight. Some choice words got muttered through gritted teeth but I got on with it so I could get home.
When I got home one of my ignorant neighbours had parked across my drive so I had to walk – in my bloody dressing gown- what felt like a marathon to my house. Visitors descend and do their bit which you’d be lost without but then you’re on your own. Desperate to get on with things, play with your other kids but you can’t. There’s not much you can do for the first few weeks because when you overdo it you certainly know about it.
I then had the joy of being told by a ‘friend’ that I was milking it and using it as an excuse to sit on my arse breastfeeding all day. Big fat V sign to you love. Haven’t spoken since. Can’t win with some people.
I have also been told though that a planned section is a totally different experience altogether but still can’t imagine it being the easy option!
Have you ever had unwanted comments about c-sections or birth in general?