As I sat there on the bathroom floor sobbing quietly to myself wondering where on earth I’ve gone wrong. I thought I was doing ok,not perfect but who is? But it’s so much harder than I ever imagined it could be. Being the parent of a teenager is bloody hard, when that teenager wants to be treated as an adult yet the behaviour they display is that of a child just without the high pitched screeching (most of time).
Son, do you think it’s ok that your Mum is feeling worthless because you’ve just told her to stay out of your business again when she tried to engage you in conversation? Or your Step-Dad is in the shed trying to calm down because you’ve told him to eff off when he asked you to clear your mess?
Us parents who gave up years and years of our lives, took meaningless jobs so we could provide food to go in your mouth because we wanted a family, children to love and care for who would love them back, only to find that years down the line said child would throw it all back in our face and fight against every rule they’ve made to keep you safe. Every suggestion to help you get on in life. Those parents that scrimped and saved and went without just so you could get the things on your Christmas list.Sacrificed their social lives and stopped going out with their friends, some of which lost them a friendship or 2 because those friends stopped asking after a while, fed up of being rejected.
Replaced the phones you lost and/or smashed so you can communicate with your social group even though we could ill afford it. Moan that we take away your essential wifi akin to removing all the blood in your body because it seems to be the only punishment that gets through.
Become best friends with slamming doors and huge sighs of irritation at the slightest ask of help, why should we do all the dishes only to find you’ve abandoned your glass on the kitchen counter because it’s beneath you to just swill the damn thing out.
Get out of bed at 12pm and demand a lift to somewhere you should have been an hour ago, hang on – I thought you were an adult – you know, the type who get themselves out of bed and go to work and earn a living?
I was a teenager, I know it’s hell on earth at times but one thing I do remember and remember well is not to bite the hand that feeds. Once you’re out in that big, bad world you’ll know. You’ll see what we’ve been saying all along is true and that really deep down you’re still a little kid who has no idea what they’re doing. I know because I’ve done it. I left home at 17 thinking I was the kiddie and I could rule the world. Til I realised that world was actually full of an awful lot of some quite horrible people. People who don’t care about you and would walk past you if you were on fire. Who do you run to then? I think we all know the answer to that.
Son I love you with all my heart and soul but right now I’m not liking how things are going. I want my boy back, the one who hung off my leg and watched intently everything i did. Where did he go? I only hope that one day we can look back and laugh. Until then we have to ride it out.