Once upon a time there was a Mum, a Mum who had too many things on her to do list and not enough time to do them in. Mind you if she had spent less time eating chocolate digestives and procastinating she probably could have ticked off 1 or 2. Anyway… never mind that. It was Sunday and Sunday was big bath night. She had 2 little monsters to bathe – we’ll call them Dustin and Juliet.
She set about getting things ready having already switched on the immersion heater 3 years ago to warm up, got some towels from the airing cupboard, retrieved the Matey bubble bath (the blue one) from the shelf, slopped a bit in and waited for the bath to fill. The sound of the running water nicely drowning out the noise of the kids fighting over who could play with He-Man first. Apparently Ram Man just wasn’t the same.
Taps off, water temperature checked, she called the kids who stampeded across the landing like a herd of bloody elephants despite there only being 2 of them. There was a flurry of flying pants and vests as the kids got undressed and cannonballed themselves into the water – well not really, but it seemed liked it by the amount of bubbly water currently adorning the lino.
They played with the bubbles and some cups, tipping water over each other’s heads, of course this game is only ever funny for the tipper not the tippee so inevitably they fought about it. The Mum rolled her eyes and turned around to seek out the Timotei when Dustin suddenly started yelling. “Mum, Mum! Look what she’s done!” “ok darling, I’ll have a look now, I’m just finding the shampoo!” she said wearily. “No, really Mum look! It’s horrible!” She turned around to look, smiling, thinking this was part of the game only to find Dustin dancing around on tip toe, looking like Jaws had just popped up to join them for a picnic.
“It was her! It was her!” he shouted as he pointed at Juliet who at that very moment was trying to do her best ‘what the heck did I do?’ innocent face and shrugging her shoulders. “Will you calm down Dustin?! What was her?” Mum asked. “That thing! That thing there!” Mum looked down into the bath water to find the ‘thing’ he was ranting about. “What? I can’t see anything?” At this point Dustin leapt for his life out of the bath and onto the bath mat where he stood shivering and wailing.
“What is your brother going on about Juliet?” sighed Mum. “I don’t know Mummy, I was just playing. Honestly Mummy. I’m not lying!” Now Mum was suspicious. Whenever the kids said they weren’t lying they most definitely were. She had another quick look around the bath water. There, poking out of the bubbles she could just about spot something.
Something brown. “Oh my god. Which one of you brought Maltesers into the bath? I thought I told you not to touch them. They’re only for after tea! Come on. Who was it?” “But Mum! We didn’t touch the Maltesers. It’s not chocolate!” “Well it certainly looks like it!” Mum said getting fed up. She peered a bit closer. “It better not be your Sindy pony! That thing cost me and your Dad…I mean Father Christmas… an arm and a leg!” “No Mum, it’s not my pony.” Juliet said very quietly.
“Just tell me what it is then? Mum said exasperated. “It’s , it’s…” Juliet started to say before Mum suddenly reached in to scoop it up and sniff it.
That little shit! She thought.