My Top 10 Parenting Fails!

Let’s be honest, no parent is perfect.We all make mistakes,balls things up regularly and I’m sure most of us have thoughts such as “what the hell am I meant to do now?” when faced with a new baby to look after alone! So here are some of the things I’ve naffed up so far – and these are just the ones I haven’t hidden in the ‘too embarrassed to remember’ memory banks!

1.The time I forgot to pack sick bags for my child who got terrible car sickness and as I had a brand spanking new courtesy car at the time I didn’t want him vomming all over it I had to give him my freshly bought day old handbag. Couldn’t face washing it out and had to bin it!

2.The time I left it 2 seconds longer than I should have to find out why my daughter was quiet only to find her in the bathroom covering herself in tooth paste. Mmmm Minty fresh!

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3.The time the hubby and I were  brave whilst we were potty training and took our daughter to his Mum’s without a clean pull-up.Cue wet patch on her settee and cream carpet. Awkward.

4.The time I thought “what harm could it do?” if I let my little man eat Coco Pops on the living room floor.What could possibly go wrong. Right?

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5.The time I didn’t check that we did, in fact, still have spare clothes in the boot of the car and let the kids play in the stream. Cue poor little 6 year old boy crying on the way home as the makeshift cover-up hoody “looked like a skirt”.

6.The time,whilst baking with the kids, I said “don’t touch anything” while I went to get something. Came back to find my kitchen like a scene from Frozen. No pics sadly,was too traumatized.

7.The time my Mum was watching Countdown and every time the Countdown clock got to the end my 3 year old shouted “Effing hell” to this day I have NO idea where on earth he got it from as I never watch it! Fair to say she was horrified – although I’m sure I saw a sneaky smirk as she turned away.

8.The time I forgot to give my son his dinner money, on ringing the secretary to apologise and ask if they could provide him with a lunch and I would pay later I was met with a stony silence – I’m sure she was pressing the speed dial for Social Services. Surely I can’t have been the first – or last?!

9.The time my 2 year old daughter did a runner in Asda only to be picked up giggling and brought back by the Security Guard, in the meantime her Father and I had 3 heart attacks each and lost at least 10 years off our lives!

10.The time I got on the bus and this pic was scrawled on the seat in front.I’m ashamed to say I absolutely wet myself and the kids thought I’d completely lost the plot and wanted to know why I was laughing. Obvs I said it was because there was a silly man making faces outside!

 

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First featured on:

Rookie Mistakes

Sympathy Empathy Wimpathy

Driving to work I ran over a squirrel, he was already dead mind you but I felt really bad for him. He would have no idea about of course but still I felt terribly guilty. How would I feel in his situation? Well dead, probably.

Sometimes though I think I empathise and ‘put myself in another person’s shoes’ a little too much. I’m the type of person who overthinks absolutely everything to a ridiculous degree. The Other Half and I argue all the time over discipline of the teen. He thinks if he’s stupidly late home he should be locked out end of. I however would panic that something would happen, what if he freezes to death, what if aliens, what if clowns, what if some idiot decided to hurt him just for fun ? I just can’t follow it through. Is it a maternal thing or just my nature? He says I’m just a soft touch, a wimp. I need to put my foot down and be tougher.

Sometimes I take it way too far like with poor old Sammy Squirrel. I’ve also found myself feeling sorry for a lone bean left in the tin. I mean come on! I still have to fish the poor sod out, even though I’m sending him to a certain death by boiling him in tomato sauce anyway. Not sure which is worse but I wouldn’t want him to be all lonely and stuff.

Other things I feel sorry for include:

• Dolls my daughter has stripped down naked. Have to redress them at night, OMG what if they got cold? Poor buggers, I’d never forgive myself.

• The last cake left. How on earth people work in Greggs is beyond me. I’d never be able to let that last doughnut be alone. I’d retire looking like Violet Beauregarde.

• The poor Malteser that rolled under the sofa. Can’t bring myself to eat that one though. Can I?

• Older people who look really shocked when you smile at them. I carry on walking whilst worrying to myself whether I should have invited them home for a cuppa, what if they haven’t spoken to anyone in weeks? More likely they just think I’m a right weirdo and hope I won’t nick their handbag.

• This sweet that someone left in the dish at work, who in their right mind leaves a sweet all alone in the world. What kind of monsters am I working with?

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• Other peoples kids that cry in town. Now that kid could be crying because their Mum said no to them taking the plastic owl home from outside Greggs that’s there to scare the pigeons – not that the pigeons care they stick up 2 claws behind it’s back and spark up a fag- but hey that kid thought it was the cutest thing ever despite it having barely any paint on it and looking like it had a rough night at the Billy’s Bird Bar. Still makes me feel all ‘aww love him’.

Is it a bad thing that I feel so much sympathy/empathy/wimpathy should I ‘man up’ so to speak or is it good that I’m one of lifes carers? Do you ever find yourself feeling sorry for something completely random?

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Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

 

Shall we naff off then?

My Mum and I went to a restaurant today. I use the term ‘went’ loosely because by ‘went’ i mean we attended said establishment however after we were shown to our table in a corner in the busiest, noisiest place I have ever set foot in and my Mum had to wait to sit down because the girl at the table 6 inches away from us decided to take her time removing her coat with elbows all over the shop like a dancing toddler, my Mum started doing her signature ‘getting her hair off face’. Not a good start. We picked up a menu and shouted “what do you fancy” like literally shouted. She looked at me. I looked at her. “This isn’t for us is it?” I said. “Not quite what I was expecting no” she said. “Shall we naff off then?” I said. The relief literally jumped out of her and did a jig. Only we had to get out of there.

Now a few years ago I would have run out, phone clamped to my ear shouting “what do you mean she’s vomiting so much it’s like a Nanny Plum jelly flood? I’ll be right there” grimace at the dude on the door and run.

Not this time however. I am finally one of them there adults. I didn’t rush. I didn’t lie. I looked him straight in the eye and said “mate it’s too busy in here and the noise is doing my head in.” And left. He just looked on flabberghasted. Did I feel bad? Nope. It wasn’t like we were the only people in a bar full of tumbleweed, they were busy. Did I feel all smug that I’d done it rather than being all British and smiling and telling them how great it was despite dying slightly inside? Too bloody right. This of course wasn’t their fault. They want the place to be busy that’s the whole point, this was my personal opinion.

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It reminds me of the time back when I met my partner. He painted my house, a mutual friend of ours that worked with him kept telling me how “his butty was single” (if you’re not Welsh I’m NOT talking about his sandwich here) and how I should go out with him. I sniggered but eventually handed over my number. Which I found out years later he’d promptly chucked in the bin thinking his mate was joking.

We did eventually go on a date though to a local pub. It was lovely. For our 2nd date I got to choose where we went and I picked a local hotel that had a nice restaurant. I got dressed up and we went. Only the look on his face said it all as the guy at the door looked him up and down took my coat.

“This is a bit f**king fancy isn’t it?” he said as he eyed up the cutlery set up on the table. The tinkly piano music in the background. My brain started screaming ‘Oh God, I HAVE MADE A HUGE MISTAKE’.

‘How can I get out of this?’I started panicking. He hates it. It’s too posh. The b**tard is common as muck. Egg on his chips kind of guy. What the hell was I thinking?

“Right lets go” spills out of my mouth without meaning to. He nods. We get up. Half walk, half run to the door. I grab my coat. We shout “sorry gotta go” over our shoulders and leg it to the car.

Then drove to a Harvester instead. And we laughed and laughed. That’s how we knew we were meant to be.

julie-x-2

#Blogtober17
Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

 

Getting A Teen Out Of Bed

Right now you may have little ones and be experiencing  5.30a.m morning wake ups and sit there wishing they ‘would just stay in bed and give you a lie in’. STOP. Karma will come around and kick you right up the bum when they turn into a teenager and you can’t get the sod out of bed for love nor money. Here are the stages of getting said teenager up that happen in our house. Insert Spongebob style ’10 minutes later’ between each one.

Stage 1

This is the stage where you’re still optimistic that today will be the day that they get up without the hassle. Pahahahahaha.You knock the door whilst steeling yourself for the stench, run in and shake them awake cheerily telling them if they get up now there’s plenty of time for shower, breakfast and a cuppa.

Stage2

10 minutes later you realise there is no movement going on upstairs and stomp back up in the hope that your heavy footsteps will get them shifting. Does it heck. They’re still lying there bleary eyed saying “what?”. Keep calm, they’re bound to get up soon, they’ll be worried about being late. Right?!

Stage 3
Now you’re getting your hair off, they’re taking the mickey. So you go up and threaten them that if you have to come up again you’ll be bringing a bucket of water. They sigh and moan “for god’s sake” under their breath. Yes, because obviously I’m doing this for fun. It’s the highlight of my day don’t you know?! I really don’t have anything better to do like sticking hot pokers in my eyes, the usual.

Stage 4

Right they’re still not up. So you realise it’s time to make good on your threat to throw water. You spend a few minutes looking for the bucket you bought the kids at the beach in the summer and when you remember they’re probably at the back of the shed with the false widows and tube webs you decide ‘sod that for a laugh’ and just grab the mop bucket, chuck the mouldy smelling mop across the kitchen in annoyance and fill it up. Drag the heavy sodding thing up the stairs only to find right at the last second the teen will magically launch themselves out of bed and shout “I was up, stop stressing” You fight the urge to drench the cheeky git anyway, grit your teeth muttering about ‘lazy bloody kids’ lug the bucket back downstairs and get ready to start fighting ‘get dressed and ready wars’ where they’ll race down the stairs – steady on- to shout about the favourite t-shirt/skinny jeans/trainers they can’t find and you’ve obviously moved. Believe me mate I wouldn’t touch your stinky clodhoppers if my life depended on it!

So honestly, if you are reading this bleary eyed at the crack of a sparrow’s fart then just remember it’ll come full circle in a few years time.

Are your teens like this too? Are you one of the lucky ones who’s teens get up without a fuss?

julie-x-2

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

Wicked Wednesdays – 12th October

Haven’t joined in with Wicked Wednesdays from the lovely Em at BrummyMummyof2 in a while but it’s always been one of my faves.

“Oh how lovely there’s eldest’s old Thomas the Tank, let’s put some batteries in it, little lady will love it.”

BIG MISTAKE!

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brummymummyof2

18th Birthdays

My eldest ‘child’ has just turned 18. I can’t believe where the time has gone and I certainly don’t feel old enough to be the Mother of an 18 year old – crow’s feet tell me otherwise however.

It’s made me think back to when I turned 18 and what I was doing at the time. For my 18th I had a party in the local Community Centre, with friends and family. Getting ready for said party I remember spending hours choosing my outfit – a toss up between black PVC trousers – they were ‘in’ at the time, I swear! – and a short checked skirt complete with those horrible shiny tights which everyone wore. I teamed my fave crushed velvet top with the skirt before coming down the stairs to my Dad’s ‘I’m not in the slightest bit bloody impressed face’ before telling me I looked like a tart and to go and change. Off I went upstairs and changed. Actually, that’s a lie because I went upstairs and faffed around for long enough for it to be too late for him to make me change and off we went with me in my tarty skirt. Luckily enough we didn’t have a long walk!

 

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Much hilarity and alcohol ensued including dancing with my late Nan to Tina Turner’s Simply the Best. We even had the obligatory punch-up that happens at all the best parties. I wasn’t involved mind you! It was the weirdo Uncle and 300 times removed knobhead cousin. I was more bothered about my laddered tights making me look less than glamourous. Nevermind that I had lipstick smeared across my face.

I don’t really remember an awful lot else apart from being put to bed by the then boyfriend (who dumped me shortly after – dick) and waking up several times to be sick,scooping up cold cider & black covered lumps of vol-au-vent in the morning isn’t up there on my list of favourite activities I must admit. To this day I can’t drink cider and black. Bleurgh.

The next night I joined a few of my friends at the local nightclub, in my 18 badges and got a few raised eyebrows from the bouncers who’d been letting me in on a Saturday night for months. Oops!

Since my 18th wasn’t all that exciting I decided to ask some fab bloggers what they did for their 18th and this is what they said!


Chantele from Two Hearts One Roof:

“I had a big party in a local hotel. But I couldn’t touch a drop of alcohol as i was on special antibiotics and painkillers that would have caused me to vomit if i drunk even a drop, I had a bad root abscess in a front tooth 4 days before that caused half my face to swell, cue panic! the extra strong meds were in the hope my face would get back to normal before the party!”


Jenna from Then There Were Three:

“Mine was awful! Hired out a function room of a pub for all my friends and family. Ended up leaving at 10:30 after arguing with my boyfriend at the time who had a go at me as he thought my cousin was coming onto me 😂😂 I ended up throwing a pint over him and pushing him into a bush before leaving 🙈”


Sarah from The Parenting Trials:

“I made it a 18th birthday weekend, consisting of meals, a trip to the pier, a drunk night out and then a hungover family meal urgh haha was so ill couldn’t eat it, my family kept trying to get the bday cake brought out to sing happy birthday to me, however i kept running off to be sick so they had to keep sending it back lol 🙈🙈”


Laura from The Unsung Mum:

“I went to Newquay with a group of friends including my now husband. He invented a friend who had just broken up with his long term girlfriend and they decided to get drunk then throw up all over our bed. Safe to say I gave him the cold shoulder the next day, found every pot and pan I could to smack around and made him make it up to me for a week after!!”


Jodie from Life With Pink Princesses:

“My friends hired a stripper and we had alcohol at home for a house party and Ann Summers party 😂”


Maddy from The Speed Bump

“I got engaged! We went on a family holiday, my boyfriend came along and he asked me to marry him at sunset! We went back last year for my 21st birthday with our toddler, it was so lovely 🙂 “


Steph from Mental Parentals:

“I went to my local pub that had been my local for two years…”


Cathryn from A Cardiff Mummy Says:

“I had my last A-level exam on my 18th birthday! English Literature. The joys of a June birthday! A group of us went straight to the pub after our exam, in our school uniforms! After much persuasion and showing of ID, they let us buy alcoholic drinks.
I then had an awesome house party that night. Even though having an A-level exam on my actual birthday was pretty rubbish, I’m very grateful the exam wasn’t the day after my birthday so at least I could celebrate.”


Carla from Random Thoughts Of A Twenty Something:

“I was 6 months pregnant with my second child. I was surprised with a meal with all my friends and family and an awesome TARDIS cake! :-D”


Lauren from Blogger Mummy Lauren

“I went in to Newcastle for my first legal drink then invited a group of close friends over to my house for a ‘quiet house party’. I woke up the next morning with no recollection of my night, covered in all kinds of phallic shaped permanent marker drawings all over my body. Had to go for an interview for my foundation degree with the outline of something quite rude on my face the next day 😂”


Michaela from Two Little Paines

“I decided I’d never had a birthday party before so I was going to have one …adult bouncy castle, pass the parcel, pin the tail on the donkey, vodka jelly, baileys ice cream etc”


Hannah from Hannah Spannah

“What if it was nearly 20 years ago and you can’t actually remember? 😂😂😂
I know I had some friends over for cake and champagne but I must have done something else. I probably went out to Harrogate and drank so much that I have permanent memory loss.”


Zoe from Mama Geek

“I was taking part in the International Air Cadet Exchange and was visiting Canada for 10 days. I spent my 18th birthday visiting Niagara Falls, including a trip on the Maid of the Mist boat. I didn’t have any alcohol though as I couldn’t legally drink as where I was staying the legal drinking age was higher than 18. An absolutely amazing birthday though!!”


Helen from Casa Costello

“I spent my 18th with the most boring teacher ever searching through clearing to get a place at uni (Daft August birthday!) I did secure a place at uni about 3pm though (and then went to the pub)”


Jessica from BabiAFi

“My nan died not long before so it was very subdued, really. As I remember on the day itself I went to a local pub quiz – which we lost massively – and because I was a total prig in those days I only drank orange juice anyway!”


What did you do for your 18th? Was it all fun and games or a more sober affair?Julie x (2)

Monday Stumble Linky

 

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

Tips To Get You Ready For Having A Teenage Boy

One day just when you think you have this parenting thing cracked, they’ll go to bed and wake up a totally different kid. You’ll wonder what on earth happened whilst drowning your sorrows in gin. Here are my tips to get you ready for having a teen boy. It isn’t serious I’m just as blimmin’ clueless as everyone else but it will give you an insight into the delights you can look forward too. Yippee.

• Take a lovely pair of white socks, get in the car, drive to the nearest rubbish dump, rub them around the smelliest pile of crap you can find. Take them home leave them for a week. Now pick them up and take a good sniff. That smell right there is how their socks will smell and consequently their bedroom. Oh and clean up that vomit you just got everywhere you’re gonna need a stronger stomach.

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• Start learning how to fashion a gas mask out of a tea towel to do the washing now so you get used to it. Believe me when I say you’ll need it. You can NEVER be prepared for how smelly their pits  get and NEVER EVER ask why that sock is crispy and stuck together.

• Start having conversations with the walls. Sometimes those guys will be the only ones listening and they won’t roll their eyes at you or huff and puff every time you so much as open your mouth or even just breathe near your darling teen. Maybe make it worth it and stick a poster of Tom Hardy up there. If you’re gonna be ignored at least he’s worth looking at.

• Buy a dictionary of ‘crap words made up by teens’ or you’ll never be able to understand a bloody word they grunt your way. Do you know your peng from your fam or your raw from your schnapping? Nope, I didn’t have a Scooby Doo either!

• Start using the space under their bed as a makeshift bin. That way when you go searching for the batteries they nicked out of your Sky remote for their Xbox controller there’ll be no nasty, niffy surprises.

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• When storing their phone number in your phone change it to your own number. You might as well just text yourself all day long as I can guarantee they won’t answer you unless of course you’re clever and text something like “your little brother is in your room looking through your DVD’s and there’s one with no name on it, is it ok for him to watch?” they’ll be straight on the phone then telling you to “get the hell out of their room, they never get any privacy”.

• If for some reason your teen has to go somewhere with you (oh the horror) be prepared for them to walk 20 steps in front and act as though they have no idea who you are. Especially when any of their mates might see you and wind them up by shouting MILF at you. Then you may hear some other choice words but these you will DEFINITELY know the meaning of. They really won’t thank you for giving them a clip around the earhole for swearing in front of their ‘crew’ so best just to let them walk on ahead.

• If, like mine, they’re into free running get ready for your stomach to launch itself out of your mouth every time they show you the latest thing they can do or how many flips they can do off that massive wall that would make you crap yourself just climbing.

Bet you’re totally and utterly looking forward to it now aren’t you?!

Julie x (2)

#Blogtober17

 

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

Nineties Nonsense

Growing up for me  was, I imagine like growing up for anyone who was a teen in the 90’s, I spent my evenings ‘down the leisure’ I ate bags of beef Space Raiders and chips in cones made to look like newspaper, played Street Fighter on the arcade machine and drank Lilt. Elbowed my mates when one or other of our crushes walked past and talked about what a slag Kerry was ‘cos she let Barry do something naughty to her outside the fire exit.

I used Salon Selectives but I definitely didn’t look like I’d ‘just stepped out of the salon’ it did smell nice however, once it was clean it was time to spray it within an inch of it’s life with Silvikrin whilst scrunching. Surprised we didn’t all end up with clawed hands because of it. Fire hazard be buggered, took your life in your hands every time you lit up a sneaky fag, some dippy git told me to wrap chewing gum round my fingers so my Mum couldn’t smell the smoke – did it work? Did it hell!

 

I wore Cover Girl foundation that I won from a competition in a magazine. My Mum would never have let me have it otherwise – wouldn’t want me ruining my lovely young skin see. I can still remember the smell of that stuff to this day. It’s highly likely I looked like Casper the friendly ghost – not that I cared I was grown up obviously! I wore Heather Shimmer lipstick. Think everyone in my school/town/country did. Good job there’s not an awful lot of photo evidence around it’s really cringeworthy stuff.

I had a luminous pink Hi-Tec bag that I could have fitted my whole family in and more. I had those horrible white daps (plimsoles for those not from Wales) with a heel and those really shiny flesh coloured tights that made your legs look like sparkly sausages.  I wore ankle length wrap skirts (not good in a gust of wind) with a body underneath. Those poppers were a bit of a twat when you were busting. I read somewhere recently they were making a comeback. Well sod that!

I bought all my single cassette tapes from Woolworths. This is back in the day when Woolworths was the best shop in town (well our town anyway which didn’t have that much other than the ‘Big Tesco’).

I called him Mr. Raider, called him Mr. Wrong, called him Mr. Vain and couldn’t say no to anyone without saying the full No no, no no no no, no no no no, no no there’s no limit! I watched Bad Girls, Band of Gold, Bottom and Byker Grove.


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As much as loved being a teenager in the 90’s and so many things were better then I really wouldn’t want to go back and do it all again. Especially all the boy trouble, let’s be honest many teenage lads are complete arseholes! The fashion wasn’t exactly anything to write home about either – black velvet choker anyone?!

Julie x (2)

Whose coat is that jacket?

If you’re Welsh or you know someone who is then is post will make sense to you. If not, then good luck deciphering it! Sometimes I wonder how anybody manages to understand anything we say. It’s all arse backwards, most of it – see what I did there ;-).

Now in a minute

You’re not Welsh unless you’ve said this at least once. Had a few rollockings from my Mum for saying it. ‘It’s either now or in a minute, it can’t be both.” Alright, alright Mum, I’ll tidy my room now… (in a minute). By tidy I mean shoving my Just Seventeen magazines under the bed – with the Woof! duvet cover on – with my cassette recordings of the Top 40 and my Blossom My Little Pony that I’d never admit to still having.

Where are you to / Where did you put it to

This one actually does my head in. ‘Where is our Mam TO?’  ‘Don’t know, think she’s round the back eating a butty’  ‘Where did you put my double strong super-dooper masking tape TO love?’ I don’t know but if you put a ‘to’ on the end again I’m going to tape your gob shut with the bloody stuff. Why do we need the ‘to’ on the end?

I woke up fast asleep/There it was gone

Sometimes I wonder if anything us Welsh say ever makes any sense! How is it even possible to wake up fast asleep? Or to walk out of class after putting your pencil case down and walk back in to find ‘there it was, gone.’

Whose coat is that jacket

Never, ever, in all my 38 years have I heard anyone say this other than to take the mick out of a Welsh person. Gits.

You can have 2 of them biscuits if you want one

Wait,what? How is that even…did someone say biscuits?

What it is,is

If you’re on the phone to a Welsh person or are indeed a Welsh person this is how you start your conversation especially if it’s important.

‘What it is, is I was leaning over to cwtch the cat and I tripped over our Dilwyn’s daps and went flying into the TV smashing it and giving myself a barrrddy bloody tamping I am, tamping’.

I’ll tell you for why

‘I’ll tell you for why young lady stop your chopsing, Brian Harvey will never be your boyfriend so stop doodling his name on my tidy telephone pad. Julie loves Brian, Mam’s arse, bloody tapped you are mun’.

 

 

 

Julie x (2)

 

Wasn’t me!

 

It Wasn't Me (1)

Today’s post contains a nod to ‘Shaggy’s It Wasn’t Me’ in parody form which I loved (still do).

What is it with kids behaving differently for their parents than they do with others? We’ve all been to a parents evening and sat there with our gobs hanging open when the teacher says ‘she’s a delight, so quiet and helpful’ when you know the little bugger was mashing chalk into the carpet an hour before nursery.

But she found me on the counter (Wasn’t me)
Saw me jumping on the sofa (Wasn’t me)
I squirted toothpaste in the shower (Wasn’t me)
She even caught me on her camera (Wasn’t me)

Those big blue eyes hide the little monkey underneath. Butter wouldn’t melt and all that. Except when those blue eyes are scrunched up while they’re belting seven shades of crap out of their sibling for looking at them ‘funny’. They weren’t fighting though. Honest. There’s no need to put them in time out.

Mummy came in and she caught me red-handed
Fighting with my big brother.
Picture this, we were both caught scrapping on the living room floor.

When they’ve got a play date is it just me that panics about the other kid getting stinking or going home and telling their parents what an awful Mum you are? Making sure you don’t mutter an accidental ‘sh*t’ when you burn yourself on their fishfingers is essential as is not letting them anywhere near felt tip pens. In those cases it’s best to act innocent and say ‘gosh these kids come out with the funniest things, hey’ and slide on outta there sharpish.

Mummy came in and she caught me red-handed
Drawing Sharpie on the kid next door.
Picture this, we were both caught scribbling pen on my bedroom floor.

No matter how much you feed them they are always hungry – well for anything sweet they are anyway. We’ve all had the ‘well if you don’t have room for your peas, you don’t have room for a pudding’ conversation, then you turn your back and find them teetering on a plastic bike trying to reach the treat cupboard. Mouth covered in a chocolate ring and they’ll still say ‘nothing’ when asked ‘what have you got in your mouth this time?’.

She caught me rifling in the cupboard (Wasn’t me)
Stuffing biscuits up my jumper (Wasn’t me)
I tried to hide them in the toybox (Wasn’t me)
She even caught me on her iphone (Wasn’t me)

How is it possible to make so much mess when looking for something? Throwing toys over their shoulders as they go. ‘Try tidying up and then you can find it’ you helpfully suggest into the abyss, whilst retrieving your spade to dig your child out of the mountain of soft toys, fancy dress clothes and Shopkins. ‘What mess?’ they’ll say whilst looking around all bewildered.

I should tell her that I’m sorry
For the mess that I’ve caused.
When I’m looking for my Elsa,
Cos she’s completely lost!

Julie x (2)

 

A Cornish Mum
Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday