How Our School Holidays Are Going…

We are well and truly into the swing of the six week holidays now aren’t we? Kids have spent approx 40% of their time grassing on each other 50% kicking shite out each other and 10% playing nicely. This is how our School Holidays are going…

Pro: Lie-in’s, mine have been treating me to staying in bed til 8.30ish on the days I’m not working. Heaven.

Con: The sods won’t go to sleep until at least 10pm because of the lie-in and it will probably take me weeks to undo the damage. Me time? What’s that?

Pro: Not doing the dreaded school run, I hate all the “I can’t find my white t-shirt,the world will implode and everyone will die if you don’t find it and iron it”  “you gave me 127 Coco Pops and I wanted 128” and “my homework was meant to be in a week last Wednesday”

Con: Lounging around in your Jim-Jams all day gets you some pitying looks from the Postman who thinks you’re a right lazy cow. Knob off and bother Mrs Goggins won’t you.

Pro: Getting to do some fun things with all the kids, well, when you can bribe the teen into it and he doesn’t spend the whole day moaning how long it’ll be before we go home. Important Snapchat business to attend to don’t you know.

Con: 10 mins into driving to said activity I’m threatening to turn around and go home as the kids are playing who can pinch the hardest and squeal the loudest in the back of the car.

Pro: Desperation to amuse the kids sees you making up all sorts of games like hide the Shopkins.

Con: You want to kill said Shopkins after playing for 3 hours on the trot. Shove your cuteness where the sun doesn’t shine!

Pro: Reading up on other blogs to get some inspiration for crafty things to do.

Con: Realising you’re pretty crap at this crafty stuff ‘cos you haven’t yet made a fully functional caravan from lollipop sticks and PVA glue.

Pro: Thinking you’ve done well going to the park for a “free” day out.

Con: Ohhhhh no,it’s not sodding well free, is it? There’s always an ice cream van complete with jolly ice cream man manically grinning away whilst taking your purse,emptying it and throwing it back at you.

Pro: You plan your activities for the week #BestMumEverrrrrr

Con: The days you planned to do something that involves being outdoors all day it chucks it down monsoon style.

How’s your Summer going? Have you kept your sanity?

Julie x (2)

Monday Stumble Linky

Annoying Kids Youtube Videos

If you have kids who love Youtube, (we use Youtube Kids, weeds out most of the adult and weird ones you don’t want the kids watching) you’re sure to have come across at least one video that’s made you want to stab your ears with a fork. Here I list the top 5 that are guaranteed to mash your head.

Pop See Ko This is one that you will find yourself singing all day every day after you’ve heard it. Annoying but catchy and the kids will love it when you join in and make up stupid dance moves to go with it. Honest.

Mash rating ⭐⭐⭐

Johnny Johnny Yes Papa Not sure whether Johnny is one of the most bloody annoying kids on the planet or to be impressed at his ability to consume everything he did. It goes on forever and the food isn’t the only thing sickly sweet.

Mash rating ⭐⭐⭐

Pokemon Pikachu Song This Pikachu/Pokemon horror is just on that pitch. the one that makes you want to through the Wifi hub in the sea. Even my son screams “make it stop” when my daughter puts this on. Even the cuteness that is Pikachu cannot save this monstrosity.

Mash rating ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Nom Nom Nom Nom song Undecided which is more annoyingly awful with this one. The creepy starey eye face or the song. Make it stop please.

Mash rating ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Nyan Cat This makes my ears bleed. Nothing can save this one. High pitched freakiness. And when you see there’s a 10 hour version it’s obviously saved for “where the hell have you hidden my chocolate” torture purposes.

Mash rating ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I do however love Parry Gripp and this one in particular:

Do your kids love any of these videos? Have they got another annoying favourite?


Monday Stumble Linky

There’s A What In The Kids Room?

There I was wandering around the kids bedroom muttering to myself about the bloody mess that no one else ever clears up when suddenly a smell hits me. Straight up the nostrils.

‘Oh god, there’s something dead in here’ I think eyes darting round the room. Memories of my brother and I finding woodlice and keeping them in a plastic cooker with lumps of mouldy fruit start barging their way into my mind. Of course the poor sods died, no doubt as a direct result of the noxious gases emanating from my brother’s backside. No, I don’t have the foggiest idea why it just seemed like a good thing to do at the time. Then there was the time my Mum looked under my brother’s bed and found an old ham sandwich moving around. It was full of maggots. Good grief that woman can shout. If those ‘thick ears’ she always threatened had come to fruition, my brother would have been sporting one hell of a whopper worthy of any Welsh rugby player.

I found myself sniffing around like some kind of frizzy haired bloodhound. Where is it? Sniff. What is it? Sniff. I feel nauseous. Sniff. The bin. It’s coming from the bin. Phew I’ve found the source. Now to work out why it smells like death. Hang on, I’m sure I’ve smelt it somewhere before. It reminds me of the stink of the mens toilets in the Ritzy nightclub 1996. No you mucky sods I wasn’t in there doing that … I was working as a barmaid and drew the short, very dirty straw.

The bin contains the usual, apple cores old bits of cut up paper and pee. Hang on a bloody minute here. PEE? Why is there pee in the bloody bin for the love of god?! Since I’ve caught her pooing in a Lego storage head before I’ve got a good idea who the prime suspect is. Although she didn’t do it. Honest Mummy. It must have been somebody else. Great, so I have a random person who breaks into my house, pees in the bin and buggers off again. Dirty get.

I expect to find some surprises in the teens room like the plate he swears isn’t in there but I found 3 months on with another species growing from it. Or the time I asked him to tidy up and rather than bring his cups down and wash them he put them in the bin bag which stayed in the middle of his room for a week. Only when I got fed up and picked it up to put it in the bin did I hear the clatter and work out what the lazy sod was up to. But pee-in-the-bin-gate was something else.

I asked my fellow bloggers what unusual/weird/disgusting items they’d found in their kids rooms and this is what they had to say:

Jemma from Mayflower Blogs: Bogies wiped on the walls. I don’t need to say more do I.

Sarah from Boo Roo and Tigger Too: My daughter decided to cover her room in talc once!

Jen from Just Average Jen: My son as a little one smeared poo everywhere numerous times as a sensory thing due to his disabilities, other than that would have to be discovering a bra in there – because he liked the pattern apparently lol!

Tracey from Pack the PJ’s: Fossilised banana skins … yoghurt pots with spoons stuck in them … every kind of wrapper possible …. all behind his bed, pretty much every time I pull the bed out to clean it (and I do it quite often). He’s just disgusting I’m afraid!

Katie from Mummys Diary: A dirty nappy which they had taken off themselves and hidden! Luckily the smell led me to it!

Hannah from Cupcake Mumma: Rock solid cupcake (what a waste..) sticky hairy teaspoons, Barbie legs but no Barbies..anywhere

Beth from Twinderelmo: My son has a cactus that he’s named Steve. He lives on the bookshelf… rather random I have to say!

Carly from Mummy and the chunks: Wet pants that have been hidden down my sons bed or dirty sticky medicine syringes from when they are poorly

Jo from My Monkeys Don’t Sit Still: No word of a lie, this morning I found a very solid dried up, rock hard bundle of broken wrap (as in bread) in my 6 yr old sons room! When I asked why it was there, both boys (the eldest is 9) said they didn’t know why it was there but knew it was!

Hayley from Devon Mama: His dried umbilical cord stump. I can’t actually blame my son, apparently his dad hid it after I tried to bin it. It’s disgusting, and now hidden in a box until I can convince him to give it up

Donna from Bobsys Mum: We’re moving house. The things I’ve found!! I though boggy wall was bad, then I moved the bed! Boggys everywhere!! Also had a bottle of what was once milk and 2 apple cores so far as well as a lot of something sticky. Absolutely no idea what it used to be!!

Emma-Louise from Even Angels Fall: Liquid apples in a bin I had forgotten my son had in his room – absolutely disgusting, especially when the bin dropped and I got the juice all over my foot!

Nicole from The Mum Reviews: I thought I found a small poo in the corner of my toddler’s room yesterday. Upon further inspection, and to my great relief, it turned out to be a piece of modelling clay that had been painstakingly fashioned into a poo-shape.

Zoe from Mummy & Liss: A bottle of milk that had been left down the side of the cot. Yuck. Straight in the bin..

Sarah from Whimsical Mumblings: It wasn’t me, but my mum found a random box in my little sisters room. My sister said it was a present for her….my sister had pooed in a box.

Leyla from This Day I Love: My sister once put raw meat inside a Keeper [if you can remember those] because she thought it was hungry. Our bedroom stank.

Natalie from Plutonium Sox: A whole pack of cotton buds, a plastic Thomas the tank engine, a felt tip and a gro clock – all inside her duvet cover.

And my personal random favourite:

Clare from Emmys Mummy: All the teaspoons and tablespoons from the cutlery drawer. He liked to bang them together and make noise so hid them all so he could do it whenever he wanted!

Have you ever found anything random, disgusting or weird in your kids room?julie-x-2

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday
Monday Stumble Linky

Dear Diary 27th April 2017

Date: 27/4/17

Number of times I’ve been called Mum: 4832

Number of fights broken up: 20

Dear Diary…Mum and I went to see the Sister Act Musical in Cardiff Millennium Centre. ‘Twas amazing. At the end there was an explosion of shiny foil pieces showering down on us. It was late when I got home so I crawled into bed in my vest top & bra, only in the morning I woke up with one of the gold pieces in my cleavage and the colour had rubbed off so am now sporting gold boobies. Awesome.

I offered to take the kids out for tea. Anywhere they wanted. They chose Morrison’s cafe?! After work I nipped home to pick them up walked into Morrison’s only to spot Little Lady’s trousers on backwards. Tell the OH off through gritted teeth and he sulked while I scoffed my Macaroni Cheese. Turned out kids eat free with an adult meal so it was £10 for the 4 of us. My kids are a lot of things and now frugal is one of them.

Walked into the kids bedroom to tidy only to find shit on the carpet. WTAF though. Who and why? Little Lady has been known to do it in a Lego storage head before but that was a good while ago when she was potty training. On closer inspection (I get the best jobs) turns out it was not, in fact, shit but blobs of mashed up banana. Since both kids had been moaning they were hungry just before bed (standard) they’d had half a banana each. Only ‘nobody’ did it. That bastard again. My money is on Little Lady though because it was also on her duvet cover. Funny that.

Went to a kids party today. You either love them or hate them. I hate them. Well most of them, some aren’t so bad. This one though was really bad. Not the fault of the Mum who threw it at all but my daughter sat on my lap and refused to move the entire time (apart from to shove chocolate mini rolls in her gob at buffet time) on 2 occasions I tried to strike up conversations with people, on both occasions I was blanked. So there I was stone dead from embarrassment and shunned into the deepest darkest corner of no friend-dom with a clingon, not even Let It Go would shift her. Or the Spider-Man that jumped out of the curtain.  To make it worse I looked even more weird when rescued via messages back and fore from a friend and giggled like a pillock to myself. It’s in those moments you realise that those people really don’t matter. I tried. I failed. I moved on. But there will always be the ones who have your back when you really need it.

Really must remember to empty out the naughty snack rubbish from my car door pocket. Telling the OH I’m eating lots of salad in attempt to lose weight and be healthy isn’t going to wash when he finds 10 Haribo wrappers hidden under the shammy or a Galaxy bar the size of my youngest child in the glove box. Rookie mistake that, am most ashamed of myself.

OH isn’t feeling well. Does he naff off to bed to rest and recuperate? Does he hell. He’d rather stay downstairs sighing and moaning and telling me how much he’s dying. And being grumpy. Good god man just go to bed. I wouldn’t need telling twice I can tell you!


Dear Diary 16th April 2017

Date: 16/4/17

Number of times I’ve been called Mum: 3215

Number of fights broken up: 42

Dear Diary… More and more lately, probably because its half term I’ve been wondering how the pigging hell anyone ever gets anything done once they’re a parent? Every single second of the day someone is calling me. If I walk upstairs you can guarantee someone will call me. I’ve literally just walked away from them, what can possibly have happened in those 12 seconds? Really. Then I forget why I went upstairs in the first place. How am I supposed to look at little lady’s drawing, look at OH’s changing around of a room, shut teens door to stop the stench and look for Xbox controller batteries for little man all at the same time?! I swear they think I can though. And then…and then? When I get a bit hair offish OH says I’m a moody cow. Typical.

The kids have driven me round the twist. They’ve literally hung off my leg all day, surely at 7 and 4 they should be able to find something in that bedroom full of toys to play with without dragging me away from my endless piles of washing? But no.

They’re bored.
They want a drink.
They want something off the shelf.
They want a drink.
They can’t find Lego Batman.
They want a drink.

It’s Easter there’s chocolate everywhere and they can’t find a thing to do. What is going on? I’m sure at their age I was hiding under my bed with a stomach ache having eaten a whole egg in one go and waiting for the inevitable almighty telling off I was ripe for.

I thought today was going to be a day where I had to have one of those awkward conversations with the kids.

“I don’t want to die Mum”

Came from Little Miss in the back of the car. Oh crap, how do I put it? “Well everybody has to….” I started to say.

Little Man: “You won’t die til you’re old. Or get hit by a car.”

Little Man : “Yeah then you’d be squashed dead. All over the road.”

Little Miss: “Look Mum there’s a McDonalds over there, I want a Happy Meal.”

Annnnnd that was the end of that conversation. Think I got out of that one quite nicely thankyou.

I don’t think the kids are all that impressed with my singing capabilities. Dancing round the kitchen to Love is a Battlefield and singing into a tin opener attracted some ‘god you’re embarrassing Mum’ looks. Good job the teen wasn’t there. He would have spontaneously combusted from the absolute shame of having such a saddo for a Mum. Like that time at I went to a work do with Mum and she got up to dance to Status Quo. Always that same cringy dance and air guitar – for the love of god – with Bob the van guy.

OMG the little lady was quiet for a while today. Suspiciously quiet. When I checked there seemed to be nothing untoward going on. Maybe my own paranoia? Nope. Big nope. I should have learned by now to always trust my instinct. On getting her changed for bed, the realisation came that orange felt pen was covering the lower half of her body. Like some sort of half-human half-Oompa Loompa mash up. “Why did you do that?” I asked. “Just wanted to see what it looked like” she said like it was a perfectly normal thing to do. I tried the good old baby wipes. Wouldn’t come off. Tried showering. Wouldn’t come off. Tried alcohol gel. Wouldn’t bloody come off. I’ve resigned myself to having a half orange kid for a while.