The Birthday Party

There was once a Mum, a birthday party virgin if you like. Full of hope and excited expectation at their offspring being invited to a jelly and icecream filled shindig. Their child will be the most popular, being welcomed into the cool kid crew, join in all the party games and maybe, just maybe be the Musical Chairs champion of the world! She’d burst with pride she thought to herself. It’ll be so amazing she mused strapping her little bundle of joy into the car. The poor cow would soon learn she was very, very wrong.

She would come to realise kids parties are NOT fun. They are in fact the opposite of fun, they are almost as fun as having a giant cactus inserted into your rectum and twisted (righty tighty, lefty loosey)  but not quite. She would have a rude awakening of the rudest kind.

For she would soon find out that she would not be welcomed into the party by Mum’s high fiving her, handing her prosecco and kids elbowing each other, whispering about the amazingly cool Mum that just walked in. Instead she would have the card and present unceremoniously snatched out of her hand, she’d spent hours in The Entertainer mulling over that sodding present. Did she go cheap because after all she didn’t even know this kid? Did she go extravagant so she wasn’t forever seen as that cheapskate cow that went to the pound shop? She went middle of the road in the end and just hoped that Birthday Kid wouldn’t be allowed to open it in front of her and show her the huge, huge disappointment in his eyes.

She would then find no friendly faces and slink off to the darkest corner and there she would stay. Sometimes with her kid, the one who refuses to join in, clinging snottily to the front of her painstakingly chosen blouse or all alone like a cast aside bag of bollocks.

12 times the kid will want to go to the toilet so she has to do the crossing the dancefloor walk of shame while everyone wonders who the hell she is and why she was invited. If she’s lucky she might burst a balloon on the way over so everyone eyerolls  at her inadequacy and fat feet.

To her horror when the super fun character makes an appearance Kid will run screaming from the building like Freddy Krueger just rocked up  and asked for a Gangnam Style dance lesson. To be fair Peppa Pig does look as though she’s spent the last few months in a crack house but who is she to judge.

The food though, they’ll eat the food, of course they will, when the buffet announcement rings out the kids will smash each other out the way for their sugar rush, like a bunch of mini football hooligans clawing each others eyes out for a jammy coconut biscuit. The poor kid who takes the last chocolate finger can look out – they’ll get a bonk to the brain with a pinata stick because how bloody dare they?

The poor Mum clinging to the last little bit of hope that’s slowly but surely pouring out of her and pooling at her feet like a puddle of piss would make a last ditch attempt to join in by dragging the kid up to Cha Cha Slide like the other Mum’s who have their shit and coordination together. Kid will not be impressed. Kid will kick off and pull away screaming that they don’t want to, out of the corner of her eye she sees pompous Mum dialing the number for social services whilst tutting along to the Justin Bieber song that’s just blasted it’s way into everyone’s ears.

She will thank her lucky stars when the lights go up and everyone is expected to bugger off, Kid grabs a party bag on the way out and she’s wondering why Party Mum had that weird smirk on her face. She wouldn’t have to wait long to find out as the minute she sits relieved in her car seat she will be deafened by the high pitched squeal of a bastarding plastic yellow whistle.

For the love of God. Now she understood.

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Children’s Birthday Gift Guide

It’s that time of year again when both my youngest children have their birthdays – 9 days apart! It can be hard work and expensive. When you ask what they’d like you’re either answered with a 4 page list or a resounding “I dunno”. Here I list a few inexpensive items that make great present ideas for both boys and girls. giftpup-emoji-notebook-little-brian-paint-sticks-tangle-angel-tangle-cherub-find-me-a-gift-chocolate-chops-smiggle-goo
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Moj Moj Series 🙂 Review

Moj Moj are cute new fun squishy collectables from MGA Entertainment, they’ve abandoned the traditional series numbering and chosen to use emoji’s instead so this first series is Series 🙂.

We were sent some to open and see what we thought. The Moj Moj come in brightly coloured triangular packets so look quite different to the usual flat, square blind bags. Inside the packets are 2 Moj Moj – which is great as you usually only get 1 item in a blind bag – and a checklist of the Moj Moj you can collect and tick off. Continue reading

Baby Secrets – A New Collectible

Baby Secrets are a fun new collectible, it’s no secret however that we love a collectible in this house so Little Lady was more than happy to get these little guys opened!

The secret is in the baby’s nappy- not a stinky kind of secret you’ll be relieved to know but the nappy, when dipped in water changes colour to reveal their gender! How cool?

Baby Secrets S1 Surprise Single Pack RRP £2.99

These single, reasonably priced packs come with one baby, one bath tub, a birth certificate and collectors guide. The bath can be filled with a water ready (although for some reason my daughter really wanted to dip them in a big bowl of water) for you to dip your baby to find out whether you have a baby boy or girl. As always you can check off which ones you’ve collected and see if you have a rare or limited edition with the handy checklist and then use the nappy shaped birth certificate to  record which one you got. We only went and got a limited edition furry called Koala! So called because he had a very cute furry Koala hat and an Ultra Rare Kitchen Baby.

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Babysitting BABY Born

Babysitting can be lots of fun and when you have a BABY born from Zapf Creation to look after having the right accessories can make it all the more realistic for your little ones imaginative play. I love to watch my children play and my daughter in particular loves to play with dolls there’s a little video of her with her “Baby” at the end of this post!

Interactive Baby Born Doll RRP £49.99

The BABY born doll is the perfect doll for babysitting fun. Coming as both boy and girl variations he/she can:

  • Drink from her bottle
  • Eat BABY born porridge from a spoon from her own plate
  • Wet their nappy
  • Pee/Poo on the potty
  • Moveable  arms/legs/head
  • Cry real tears
  • Close their eyes

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BABY Born Pyjamas  With Shoes RRP £16.99

Getting BABY born ready for bed is easy peasy with this cute set. The pink outfit is printed with raindrops and Berta the duck in a bathing cap. Made especially for BABY born and comes with it’s own hanger. The elastic with a bow at the tummy ensures that the outfit stays in place. The clog style shoes come with three little pins to decorate them with.

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BABY born Carrier Seat RRP £16.99

The BABY born Carrier Seat is a handy baby carrier ideal for little ones to emulate adults and means your little one can carry BABY born, it has comfortable, adjustable shoulder straps and features velcro straps to the front for easy access. BABY born can be carried cuddled up just like a real baby carrier. In pretty pink and turquoise colours and with a duck graphic on the front, it is perfect for hands free babysitting!

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BABY Born Nappies 5 Pack RRP £4.99

You can’t babysit without having spare nappies for those oops moments! These teeny nappies featuring the BABY born branding come as a set of 5 and fit the BABY born interactive doll. With real sticky pads and absorbent material they are perfect for after feeds.

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Here’s a video of my little BABY born babysitter:

*We were gifted the items for the purpose of this post however all opinions remain honest and my own*

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