The School Disco With A 90’s Lyrics Quiz

The good old school disco, who didn’t love it? None of your prom nonsense in gorgeous dresses and coiffed hair, in the 90’s when I was a teen we wore Hypercolour t-shirts, shell suits, ruffle front white chiffon blouses or maybe if you had “one of those Mum’s” a neon pink Bridesmaids dress you wore to Aunty Sarah’s wedding in the late 80’s. If your hair hadn’t been crimped or scrunch dried rock solid you just didn’t cut it. Go big or go home. The boys had wet look gel. The whole gigantic tub of it in one go. As slick as Uncle Mick’s frying pan styled quiff.

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Sibling Solidarity

I have only 1 sibling. Amongst other choice things he’s called Justin. He’s 11 months younger than me. We’ve always joked about my Mum being ‘at it’ in the taxi home from the hospital after having me because we were born so close together.

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We got on as kids. Most of the time. Other times we stabbed each other in the thigh with a fork. We played outdoors for hours on end in the summer holidays, bike rides, roller skates and playing kerby’s were what we did.

One time when we were 7 or 8 he was riding a Batman motorbike, god knows where he got it from. It was made of plastic, a bit flimsy and we were all stood at the bottom of the hill shouting ‘na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na BATMAAAN’ only the bike got a bit excited and he couldn’t stop it. Eyes wide he went over to the side like a motorcyclist. It was summer, flesh on show. Did I rush in terror towards him to help? Did I hell. I pissed my pants laughing. If you go back there you’ll probably find half his skin embedded into the tarmac.

I was a cow to him sometimes, when we fought i’d wallop him. He’d take it quietly then when he gave me a wallop back I’d shout really loud so Mum would hear and tell him off or give him a smacked arse. You’d think he’d have learned after the first 22 times but no. Although in fairness he did try to kill me at least once.

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Eating food in our house was a serious affair. You sat at the table quietly, always with knife and fork held properly, elbows off the table. We lived on a council estate but I think my Mum was a Hyacinth Bucket wannabe. Not a bad thing looking back now but I was always jealous of my mates who sat watching He-Man with their burger ‘n’ beans precariously balanced on their knees.  Only he knew I was (and still am) a giggler. Absolutely anything would set me off and he’d sit opposite me making faces. The amount of times I got sent to sit in the draughty hallway to ‘think about my behaviour’ with a rumbly tummy was unreal.

He laughed when I got caught throwing my steak and kidney pie out of the bathroom window and I covered for him when he hid his potatoes in the Xmas crackers. No matter how many times he told Nan he hated potatoes they ended up on his plate.

We’d have secret meetings on the landing and sneak downstairs when the little old lady that babysat us wasn’t looking and watch Prisoner Cell Block H through a 3 mm gap behind the brown and orange sofa. We’d smirk at each other in the morning when we were being praised for being so well behaved.

When it came to moving out he came to stay with my friend and I who thought we were the kiddies, we argued a lot but we also shared the good and bad times. We’d sit and share a bag of Space Raiders with the last few pence we could find down the sofa and lived on more smart price beans than I care to remember. We all know what beans means right? That’s right. They’re good for the heart.

When we went home to visit we scared the crap out of each other with a china doll my Mum was given as a present, hiding it in each others bed and cars with a knife in it’s hand. She still has that creepy shit sat on a wicker chair on the landing of her creepy old house. I swear she watches me walk around smiling about the time I found her late at night in the boot of my car with a meat cleaver poised to kill me.

One thing we’ve always shared though is our sense of humour. Those times when I sit crying laughing at something, the one person I know who will always get it is him. He’s a right royal pain in the arse at times but we’ve always stuck together through good and bad and I wouldn’t do without him.

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Monday Stumble Linky

Warnings I’d Give My Kid Self #2

So I enjoyed writing Warnings I’d Give My Kid Self so much I thought I’d do another one.I was soooo accident prone and until I’d written it down I hadn’t realised quite how bad I was!So here’s my 2nd list of warnings I’d give my kid self!

1.DON’T rock so hard on the rocking horse at nursery – you’l go flying off and cut your chin open.

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2.DON’T run towards the fireplace whilst playing tag with your brother – you’ll trip over your own feet and smash your forehead on the grate.

3.DON’T think it’s a great idea to ride your bike down the sloping front garden.You’ll forget there’s a wall at the bottom and you do your own version of E.T, only you’ll hit the floor with your chin and not be able to talk for hours.

4.DON’T lean too far over with the fishing net when on holiday with your family in Yorkshire.You’ll fall in the River Ouse it’s bloody freezing and you’ll have to be rescued by your Uncle John while the others laugh.

5.DON’T let your brother and his mates encourage you to climb on that massive branch on the tree up the field.They’ll pull it down so far that you go flying through the air and land flat on your back.

6.DON’T play a game of catch across the canal with your school shoe.Your brother will drop it and your Mum will think you did it on purpose to get new shoes and make you wear your Tesco special trainers instead.

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7.DON’T think it’s a great idea to see how fast you can go on your roller skates down the hill at the top of your road.You’ll go far too fast,panic halfway down and smash into the lamppost at the bottom.

8.DON’T leave a load of crayons on the hot bedroom radiator – they’ll melt all over the carpet and you’ll get a smacked arse.

9.DON’T wear one of those skirts which splits every time you move to go and pick up your record of achievement in a packed school hall .You”ll flash your knickers and die of shame to the sound of sniggering.

10.DON’T drink that flask of squash you left while playing red rover on the field your so-called ‘mates’ will  fill it with grass and snotty red faced choking is not a good look.

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Warnings I’d Give My Kid Self!

We all do stupid stuff when we’re young, I certainly did! So here’s a light hearted look at the warnings I’d give my kid self!

1. Make more effort at school, your crush on that fit lad in year 11 might seem like the most important thing but honestly get on with some bloody work and stop doodling hearts with your names in and that thing where you work out how much percentage you love them (remember that?) is bollocks.

2. The above crush turns out to be a complete knobhead, as do most of the boys at school especially the ones who really believe they’re in East 17! Its really NOT alright!

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3. Don’t wear your denim shirt and blue jeans on Saturday 7th August to go into town with your 2 besties. They WILL be wearing the same outfit and you WILL die of shame!

4. Watch out for that lad sticking his foot out and tripping you up when you’re 14 leading you to break your wrist. Bastard. Then getting back to school to find 2 other girls in your year have done it too (you can’t make this stuff up) it’s embarrassing and your crush is far too cool to sign your cast & you end up with stuff like “Julie loves Mr Jones 4eva” instead. Mr Jones is 102 and hates you. He will later send you out of class for spraying yourself with Impulse.

 

5. Don’t nag your Mum to buy you jeans for months when you’re 11, she WILL buy you crap ones off the market with Ghostbusters transfers on the thighs. You WILL get caught with the turps trying to get them off.

6. Don’t go round your street picking up all dog crap with your mate thinking it will get you a brownie badge. Brown Owl will NOT be amused!

7. Don’t hang a handbag on your wardrobe door and then pretend to play tug of war. The damn wardrobe WILL fall on top of you and Mum will screech at you like a banshee for being so bloody stupid (after rescuing you).

8. Those life size dolls that Dad bought you aren’t really alive and won’t kill you if you don’t shut them in the airing cupboard at night – although maybe it WAS because you shut them in the cupboard…creepy little shits.

9. Don’t play blind mans bluff with your brother with a dolls dress on your head.The git will tell you you’re walking into the bedroom when actually you’re about to go headfirst down the stairs!

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Sweet – til he tried to kill me!!!

10. Don’t get up to pass Dad the remote (lazy old sod) when he’s watching A-Team in the dark. You will fall over and smash your eye on the coffee table and have a scar for life. Oh and don’t scream so much they give up trying and stick some butterfly stitches on it instead of proper ones which means it looks shit. You big girl’s blouse!!!

You can read the 2nd one here if you want to see how accident prone I was too!

What would you tell yourself if you could?

 

Julie x (2)

A Cornish Mum